May 13th Film Releases

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It is Friday the Thirteenth and I can't think of anything more frightful than another JLo movie. If it were my spawn hell bent on marrying that twat, I'd turn into a vindictive bitch too. This is totally justifiable. I don't know why the Jane Fonda character is coming off like the bad guy.

1) Layer Cake
2) Unleashed
3) Mad Hot Ballroom

Layer Cake
I'll admit it; I love movies about gangsters who have no interest in redemption, but are working very hard just to get through the day. This is one of those movies.
XXXX (really, that the character's name) is trying to retire from the risky business of distributing narcotics, but his employers aren't too interested in seeing him ride off into the sunset. One last very complicated, very dangerous deal and he's free to go. Provided he survives.

The same genius who brought us The Professional and La Femme Nakita is bringing his gritty art form to another action film.
Jet Li stars as the animalistic lethal fighter his handler is Bob Hoskins, who is a master at being creepy to the core. The sound track is by Massive Attack, and if you need more reasons than that to go, then you need your head examined.

Why? Why are you doing this me? Turn away. It’s not too late. You don't have to make this piece of crap number one at the box office.

Kicking and Screaming
Two stinking piles in one week? Two? Just because Will Farrell is in it, doesn't make it good; and they probably forced Robert Duvall at gunpoint just to repeat his lines.

A bunch of FBI profilers, who are way too pretty to be believable, are sent to a deserted island for training, but it turns out the target is real and killing them off one by one.
Let's see... LL Cool J (when will he start using a real name, this is getting ridiculous) and Christian Slater (playing a part he is far too old for, at least he gets killed early). They may as well have called it Whatever You Do, Don't See This Movie.

Mad Hot Ballroom
Just watching these grade schoolers and their teachers get this intense about ballroom dancing in enough to make me collapse in laughter. One of teachers breaks down in tears while she's trying to console her students after a loss. Awesome!

Tell Them Who You Are
A son turns the camera around on his father, a cinematographer, and asks him the burning questions that have plagued him all his life.
If I wanted to spend two hours with a dysfunctional family, I'd go home for the weekend.

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