February 20th Film Releases

I survived the day of singleton hell, only to be met with a dearth of good movies. I looked and I looked and they are nowhere to be seen. My only hope is a lone Norwegian candidate.
Salad days these are not. Take an enormous risk with your $10 or go rent a movie. It's what capitalists refer to as "voting with dollars."

1) Kitchen Stories

No, I haven't lost my mind, I am just without options. I am really and truly recommending a Norwegian comedy about domestic life.
Think of it this way -- If this is what I'm recommending, then just imagine how much everything else must suck.

Welcome to Mooseport
A quaint little comedy about small town life (probably written and directed by a person who has never actually lived in a small town). This stars Ray Romano (block of wood) and Gene Hackman (vague recollection of acting superiority) as a local plumber and a former president vying for same mayoral office and eligible bachelorette.
I don't think there is a brand of weed strong enough to make find this amusing.

Speaking of weed, how can you have a comedy about the experiences of young Americans in Europe without having a layover in Amsterdam? Then you'd have to go to France to abate your munchies and don't forget the absinthe. This probably goes through every clichÈ and predictable joke possible and then doesn't know when to stop.
Dude! I am so NOT seeing this movie!

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen
The thing is, I know a few adult drama queens who would happily give me two hours of ranting and raving for free, so why would I waste my $10 on this pile of crap.

Against the Ropes
Meg Ryan is a feeble minded tool of Satan who must be stopped at all costs. It's actresses like her who can be blamed for the spawning of most bad movies. Think about it:
A bunch of stale movie executives deciding on the fate of future movies and they see one with Meg Ryan attached to it. They suddenly recall the hundreds of times their mistresses made them watch that movie about that insomniac in Seattle and are given the mistaken impression that she's a bankable lead. They greenlight the mediocre project, and forget about the stunning yet risky film project that should have gotten their money.
Financial democracy people! Don't forget you have a voice!

Kitchen Stories
Norway? I'm recommending a movie from Norway? Not only that, but it's a comedy set in the 50's about a team of researchers studying the domestic habits of male spinsters.
Think Ozzy without Harriet never meets Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Clifford's Really Big Movie
If you have children and you must take them to a movie this weekend, then this is your best option. Even I remember reading about Clifford the big red dog growing up. To this day I still have fleeting fantasies about owning a Great Dane.