Barflies.net :: Art / Design

March 16-23
Laguna College of Art and Design

“Color It Orange” is an Annual Juried Youth Art Exhibition of Orange County Public and Private School students from Kindergarten through Grade 12, including CHEP and individual entries.

“Color It Orange” encourages and celebrates youth art and creativity. Over 4,500 juried entries are expected from many different genres: drawings, paintings, sculpture, prints, and photography by hundreds of students.

Reception Sunday, March 16, 2008
LCAD Campus
2222 Laguna Canyon Road
Laguna Beach, CA 92651

All of the above was lifted from the LCAD website.

What I have to add is that my son is one of the artists selected to exhibit his work in this show. I am beaming with pride.

Instead of an actual definition of Surreal, it should just read one person's name and that is Salvador Dali. The dude was Surreal in all aspects of his life.

End of 07, beginning of 08, LACMA hosted a show of Salvador Dali's work. It was extensive from early art, to set designs for the movie Alfred Hitchcock's Spellbound to the co-collaboration with Walt Disney called Destino, which was truly amazing.

For some reason the project was scraped, either from budget issues or personality issues or a bit of both. In 2003, Disney opened the archives and finally completed the animation.
I was suprised how small the painting The Persistence of Memory was. When you see it in books or in photos, it seems so larger than life but it's only 8x10, if that.
Dali loved Hollywood. He is quoted by saying . . ."I’m in Hollywood, where I’ve made contact with the three American Surrealists, Harpo Marx, Disney and Cecil B. DeMille."

I like how LACMA used large screens and video to capture Dali's work and yet traditional display of his work. One room had one end of the room screening Dali's screen test that he did for Andy Warhol and then at the other end was the same screening but upside down. There was no sound and it didn't show much. In fact it didn't make sense but I guess that was the point. There was a lot of work to view. To much in fact that it became overwelming and that they were letting in a lot of people at one time, so things were bottlenecked at certain points.

September 1 - October 21, 2007

http://www.mutatovisual.com/html/reports/calstate0 | see press

Also shown at the CSUF Main Gallery

CSUF GRAND CENTRAL ART CENTER
125 N. Broadway Santa Ana, CA 92701

This exhibition features more than 400 photographic works by the artist in the Project Room Gallery. A 288-page hardcover book Beautiful Mutants published by Grand Central Press and designed by Ryan DiDonato will be released at the opening.

Nike SB, The City of Glendora California, Mutato Muzika and CSU Fullerton and the Grand Central Art Center came together to make this exhibition and book possible.

Mark Mothersbaugh was born in 1950 in Akron, Ohio. In 1957 he received his first pair of spectacles and simultaneously became interested in art. In 1968 he enrolled at Kent State University fine arts department. In 1970 Mothersbaugh protests the war in Viet Nam and meets Jerry Casale at Kent State and co-conceptualizes the art band DEVO. Mothersbaugh has his first solo gallery show in 1975. From 1976 to present, Bob, Jim and Mark Mothersbaugh, Bob and Jerry Casale release award winning short film "In the Beginning was the End - the Truth About De-evolution" and European chart topping singles. During this time period, Mothersbaugh created along with Jerry Casale and Bob Mothersbaugh all of Devo's film, graphics, music and stage shows. DEVO continues to record and perform. From 1984 to present, Mothersbaugh has been composing music for film, TV, radio, video games and the web. Since 1987 Mothersbaugh has shown in hundreds of solo and group exhibitions.

The photo-image manipulation of The Beautiful Mutants were intended to be a form of palindromic poetry, where a story is created by a half-truth folded and placed next to itself, thereby creating a self-referencing, yet completed visual poem.
- Mark Mothersbaugh

Mark Mothersbaugh's art leads the viewer to see the hidden mutant in us all. The artist renders a "study of humans via symmetry using photos, both recent and vintage" in which each photograph is, like the "self" in Jungian analysis, transformed to "emerge from its chrysalis as something with expected and uninvestigated properties. It no longer represented anything immediately known... Rather, it now appeared in a double guise, as both known and unknown."

Viewers resonate with these images at the interstice between individual subconscious and collective unconscious. Mothersbaugh is, indeed, a master of this interstice, offering the potential "miraculous" experience that art can provide. As Gombrich describes it, "the true miracle of the language of art is not that it enables the artist to create the illusion of reality. It is that under the hands of a great master, the image becomes translucent. In teaching us to see the visible world afresh, he gives us the illusion of looking into the invisible realms of the mind-if only we know...how to use our eyes."

- from the essay The Cryptomnesia of Mark Mothersbaugh: Beautiful Mutants in Einfall and Shado by Cristina Bodinger-deUriarte

Collages and Journals
June 9 – July 14, 2007
Opening reception for the artist: Saturday, June 9, 5-8pm

Western Project
3830 Main St., Culver City, CA 90232
Contact, Erin Kermanikian
(310) 838-0609, fax (310) 838-0610
Web site, http://western-project.com

This Saturday is a very full day in downtown Long Beach with the Ink & Iron Tatto & Music Festival and the East Village Art Walk. As well as the usual 2nd Sat. of the month art walk, the Walker and Kress Loft artists will be opening their studios and showing their work on the bottom floor of the Walker Building (Pine & 4th St.).

See you there.

Kurt Halsey's unabashedly romantic, wistful designs will be featured in a solo show at Gallery 1988 in Los Angeles, May 17 - June 15, 2007.

Don't be afraid to fall in love with these images.

American Zombie on MySpace

And you just thought half this city "acted" braindead....

If you are a history, art, or architecture fan, check out The LA Conservancy's new online exhibition Curating the City: Wilshire Blvd (via Glenda the Good). The site is a fun multimedia run of the whole length of Wilshire Blvd. from downtown LA to Santa Monica with great photos and information.

Thanks to LeandaDLL for the video link.

...but this is just cool!

Don't Ever, EVer, EVEr, EVER try to watch a movie trailer on WiMax (802.16 wifi, really only 2x better than dial-up, do not believe the hype. aka... Irish Broadband sucks). Really. Believe me. After the damned thing times out 13 times, you lose the plot of the trailer. Yes, the 2.5 minute trailer. Plot gone.

Now you ask, why is Ms. Jen, the woman who never, ever, never watches movies watching a Movie Trailer????

It is all Ze's fault.

Sometimes life just gets too busy - sigh! I had something on my agenda for more than a month now. I looked at the postcard received in the mail every day sitting on my desk at work. Finally, after some planning I made it to Fullerton Museum today to see the Rhinestones and Twangin' Tones Exhibit. Now, you might ask,"What was that all about?" Well, back in the day, a Russian tailor by the name of Nudie imagined that he would be a famous tailor to the Country stars of the Grand Ole Opry and much more. Also included in the exhibit we found a replica of the gold lame outfit that Elvis Presley wore, and few famed guitars, one in particular owned by Hank Williams. Through perserverance Nudie made his dream come true and he formed a company that designed thousands of first rate rhinestone cowboy outfits with everything from rhinestones to embroidered flowers, cactus, stage coaches, and you name it, probably one of Nudie's originals had it. Simply beautiful handcrafted outfits worn by famed entertainers such as, Buck Owens, Webb Pierce, Hank Williams, Hank Snow, Billy Walker and the list goes on. I saw many of those today and the glitter captivated me. I like rhinestones! I like class on stage! I like Country music! Fullerton Museum is located at: 301 N. Pomona Ave. in old downtown Fullerton, CA.
www.cityoffullerton.com/museum/
On Thursdays, they hold a Farmers Market in the courtyard outside the museum where you can shop and get some good eats too. The museum hours vary, so I'd call for times during the week and weekends. And, the exhibit ends July 9th, so you have a few weeks yet. If you like to be adventurous and get out and about for a short tour of some amazing threads, then go see this exhibit! It'sa Twangin' good time. If you're interested in the history of Nudie the Rodeo Tailor, go here:
http://nudiesrodeotailor.com/news_01.html

Um. Hello? Hello? Anybody there? Anyone who didn't think seeing When a Stranger Calls was a good idea last weekend? Anyone with half a brain? I'm only asking for half? Anyone who is completely turned off by the releases this weekend and logging onto Netflix?

Hello? Doesn't anybody give a damn that there aren't ANY good movies to see this weekend?!!!!

1) Brokeback Mountain (for those of you not in fear of losing your heterosexuality, it was wonderful)
2) Walk the Line (I shouldn't have to explain this)
3) Underworld: Evolution (I'm still a sucker for chicks who kick ass)

Yes, I know they're not new. That's the point. I have to go cry now.

Okay, I admit I haven't done this in a while, and now I'll say I'm sorry. See, not so hard. Now it's your turn.

What do you mean you didn't do anything wrong? That's just rubbish. Oh well, I forgive you regardless and give you my top three.

1) Good Night and Good Luck
2) The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
3) Something New

There. I feel so much better now, don't you?

I'm very disappointed in you, movie going audience. I know I've been neglectful and that last weekend was Halloween, but that is no excuse for making Saw 2 the #1 movie in America. That is just plain wrong. Especially when revival houses all over the city were offering some fantastic alternatives. Heck, the New Beverly was doing a double feature of Lost Boys and Land of the Dead. Wouldn't that have been the perfect movie set for a Halloween weekend?

Why do you torture me like this? Please, end the cycle and stop seeing bad movies. Good cinema begins at home.

1) Jarhead
2) The Dying Gaul
3) Chicken Little

Okay, I'm not sure what happened here, but somehow the Hollywood studio system has blessed us with an event rarely seen in theaters these days - options. Ladies and gentlemen we have several good movies to choose from in theaters this week, and I'm not just talking about the new releases. There are a few movies I didn't get a chance to skewer that are worth seeing.

1) Domino
2) Elizabethtown
3) Good Night, and Good Luck

But don’t forget Wallace and Gromit, Flightplan, Capote, Corpse Bride, A History of Violence, and Serenity.

Summer is over and the dry spell has hit. You may as well just keep those NetFlix DVDs coming until next week, when we have some real options.

1) Green Street Hooligans
2) The Exorcism of Emily Rose

I want to give you a third pick, but I've got nothing.

Happy Friday! I am in dreadful need of a full night's uninterrupted rest, a square of dark Venezuelan chocolate, a blood donor technician who can actually hit my vein, and a hairdresser who can fill in my roots and cut my hair for under $80; but you my readers, you get my picks.

1) The Brothers Grimm
2) The Alzheimer Affair

I finally saw Wedding Crashers this week and it was hysterical. I haven't laughed that hard during a movie in ages.

3) Wedding Crashers

I know I've been neglecting you, my readers, and I'm sorry, but I have really good reasons. Really. Don't give me that look. Hey! I said I was sorry. I started a new job, I moved, I moved into a place that didn't have an internet connection, I had dates (no, that plural is not a typo), and I was a bit neglectful.
There I said it. I was hindered my circumstances beyond my control AND I was neglectful. Now don't you start with me. What else do you want?!

Oh... you want my picks. Well why didn't you say so? Making me feel guilty. You're just like my mother.

1) Asylum
2) The Great Raid
3) Pretty Persuasion

There is a exhibit at the Angel's Gate Cultural Art's Center that is near and dear to my heart.
I grew up in the South Bay and San Pedro punk scene has been a big influence of my life. This is one of the reasons why I'm very proud to say that I'm from the South Bay. The exhibit ends July 31.
Visit San Pedro and make a day of it. 6th St. has the Famous Warner Grand Theatre and antique and vintage stores, plus a couple Tattoo Shops and art galleries. Ports of Call has a Maritime Museum. While you are at Angel's Gate visit the Seals at the Marine Wildlife Rehabilation Center, McCarther Park and the Korean Friendship Bell. There is a lot of amazing history in this area.

Angels Gate Cultural Center
3601 South Gaffey Street, San Pedro, California 90731
Phone: 310-519-0936

Gallery Hours: Tuesday - Sunday, 10 am - 5 pm

A miracle has occurred and I'm not sure whom to blame. There is only one bad movie in this week's lot. Where am I supposed to get comedic material when the studios almost fail to disappoint me? At least I can still say almost.

1) Lords of Dogtown
2) Cinderella Man
3) Rock School

The good thing about last week being over, is that I don't have to listen to a bunch of social outcasts b*tch and moan about how The Great Swollen One has ruined the trilogy that shaped their adolescence. Over. Done with. It still hit number one at the box office no matter how many people felt betrayed by a terrible script and poor acting, they came back for more. They always do. It's what I like to call Movie Masochism.
This is also why JLo movies continue to be a draw. People enjoy self-torture.

1) Saving Face
2) Madagascar
3) Bomb the System

Angus had surgery last week, so I rented movies for him to watch during his recovery. We rented Miss Congeniality, Shrek 2, and The Incredibles. I'm sure he would have wanted to watch Milo and Otis again, but I put my foot down.

Miss Congeniality - I watched Miss Congeniality while Angus was still in the kitty hospital. I knew he wouldn't like it because there was too much talking and the plot was dumb. Angus hates dumb plots. Two paws down for a thin plot and lame fashion. Plus, there were no animals in the movie. Angus likes movies with animals.

Shrek 2 - We both liked this one. Angus especially liked the cat character, Puss in Boots, as voiced by Antonio Banderas. He also liked that the cast was almost all animals, or "creatures." We both hated the fact that it was a musical and there was too much singing. Two paws down for lame musical numbers. But two paws up for the evil fairy godmother (I liked her hair). In all honesty, Angus was wearing a morphine patch while he watched this, so I think it put him to sleep, but he couldn't help it.

The Incredibles - We both loved this movie. Angus liked the action and really watched the screen while the movement was happening. I liked the plot and the aesthetic of the house and the island. We both loved the way the characters moved, and the character of E was really hilarious. Both of us thought the movie went on too long, though, as we both have a rather short attention span. I was doing crafts and Angus was working on something else too (I think he was licking his balls), but we kept one eye on the screen. By the end of the movie, we were both stretched out with our paws in the air.

Ratings:
Miss Congeniality - lots of lame pussy, but no cats
Shrek 2 - two paws up for visuals, voices; two paws down for musicals
The Incredibles - four paws up!

It is Friday the Thirteenth and I can't think of anything more frightful than another JLo movie. If it were my spawn hell bent on marrying that twat, I'd turn into a vindictive bitch too. This is totally justifiable. I don't know why the Jane Fonda character is coming off like the bad guy.

1) Layer Cake
2) Unleashed
3) Mad Hot Ballroom

Happy early birthday Ms. Jen!! There is absolutely nothing opening this weekend that I suggest you see, but I still say you try to catch Millions before it heads to video. Hit up Serious Dave for a pass, grab an Icee and sneak in a bag of Puffins. Enjoy your weekend Missy!

1) The Game of Their Lives
2) The Interpreter
3) Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room

I know Sandra has posted about Charles Phoenix before but I just want to say how cool he is and what an awesome niche he as developed for himself. In March, I got to go on one of his field trips (Thank YOU, Heidi's Mom). It was the "Disneyland" Theme Tour of Downtown Los Angeles.
I totally suggest this if he happens to have this tour again when a friend or relative comes out to visit. It so worth the money, too.

God Bless Americana

As always, his slide shows are mesmerizing! Very funny!

Another Friday, another weekend. What will you be doing? Going to see Von Iva at Alex's? You lucky dog. I'll have to catch them on their next trip through town.
Me? I'll be baby-sitting a bride-to-be and making sure that nothing resembling her bachelorette party occurs. Don't worry. We'll be in the Valley. What's that worst that can happen?

1) Kung Fu Hustle
2) Winter Solstice
3) Fever Pitch

The Internet buzz that has been building for months has finally come to head and it's time to pop it like the pimple that it is! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Beauty Shop is finally out in theaters! Let your extensions down and pile on the curl relaxer because nothing says artistic expression better than Queen Latifa in a tight pair of pants.

1) Beauty Shop
2) Sin City
3) Kontroll

Happy April Fools!

Happy Irish Hangover Day!!! I can't think of any better reason to see a movie than "you never want to drink that much ever again" and "please can we avoid the bar today?" For me, that was last weekend as I'm sure anyone in the vicinity of Manhattan Beach will be glad to tell you all about it.

1) Melinda and Melinda
2) The Ring Two
3) Steamboy

Pacifier?! Pacifier is number one at the box office? I guess that doesn't count all the people who ran out midway through the film because it was lowering the audience's collective IQ.
See good movies people. Don't make careless movie going decisions, it only leads to sequels.

1) Millions
2) Upside to Anger
3) In My Country

I haven't seen this movie. I heard it was pretty bad. Like, dirrrrty bad. Like perverted "pulsating butthole" bad..

But then again, it's John Waters.

"Lust is in the air on Harford Road and Sylvia Stickles, a grumpy, repressed middle-aged Baltimorean, doesn't like it. Though Sylvia's handsome husband Vaughn still has marital urges, his wife could not be less interested -- she has more important things to do. Not only does Sylvia run the family's Pinewood Park and Pay convenience store, she's also responsible for watching over her exhibitionist daughter Caprice. A go-go dancer known to her adoring fans as Ursula Udders, Caprice and her stupendously enlarged breasts are currently under house arrest after several nude and disorderly violations. But Sylvia's world is turned upside down one day after suffering a concussion in a freak traffic accident. Sexy tow-truck driver Ray-Ray Perkins rushes to her aid, and the stricken Sylvia realizes he is no ordinary service man; he's a sexual healer who brings Sylvia's hidden cauldron of lust to the boiling point."

The cast highlights favorites Tracey Ullman, Johnny Knoxville, Selma Blair, Chris Isaak, Suzanne Shepherd, Mink Stole, and Patricia Hearst. You might recognize some from previous Waters films.

Think about this: "If you are a pervert, and like a movie that is only about one thing, sex, you are going to love this movie."

John Waters is known for his films including, "Cecil B. DeMented," "Serial Mom," "Cry-Baby," "Hairspray," "Polyester," and "Pink Flamingos."

If you see it, let me know how it is. Just don't take your mom.

Rating: NC-17
Movie summary taken from IMDB.com

I am sick. I have one week left before my first PRB tournament and I can't stop my nose from dripping toxic ooze (I'm exaggerating the nature of the ooze for dramatic effect).
Fear not! I may be tired and infirmed, but I will not leave you without movie recommendations for the coming weekend. This, and this alone, is how I will earn myself a spot on the fast track to heaven. This is the Lord's work. Treating lepers in Calcutta is for wimps.

1) Inside Deep Throat
2) Uncle Nino
3) Ong-Bak

Sometimes I think this may be my favorite time of year. After Oscar season, but before the holiday blockbusters. This is when all the quirky independent films come out for their one shot at profitability. So go and give an oddly entertaining film a helping hand. It's not like you have anything better to see.

1) Rory O'Shea Was Here
2) Assisted Living
3) The Nomi Song

A bit random, but I thought someone might enjoy..

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting". Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts - they seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

I leave you alone for two measly weeks and you go off and make Are We There Yet? the #1 movie in America. What were you thinking? All I ask is that you make one wise choice per week with your movie going dollars and you do this. These sorts of things always result in grave consequences, like Are We There Yet? 2.
For those of you who haven't seen it, but are tempted - It doesn't really star Ice Cube. It's actually alter ego, Ice Slushy. Not hard, and syrupy sweet coming up after the unsuppressed urge to gag.

1) Aliens of the Deep
2) Check out something nominated for a Golden Globe or an Oscar, everything else sucks

When my male roommates go out of town, I make it a point to rent "chick flicks" that I would otherwise not watch. And I always learn that there is a reason I would not watch these movies otherwise. They're crap. Really. Here are some reviews of movies I watched this last weekend:

Love Actually - This was the best of the bunch. It's sappy and sweet, and even though I took a "no Hugh Grant movies" vow after the debacle that was Four Weddings, we can overlook Hugh Grant's total lack of acting ability for the excellence of Emma Thompson, Liam Neeson and Colin Firth (yummy!). The music is also good - so good, that I would actually buy the soundtrack! This movie is set at Christmas time, and would be a good holiday rental, as it's all about the redeeming power of love, in its many forms. I laughed, I cried; I enjoyed it unapologetically. The teacher gives it an A.

Bridget Jones' Diary - This movie was an amusing little stinker. Renee Zellwiger looks like crap all the way through it, Colin Firth is yummy, and Hugh Grant makes a good bad guy. But the problem is that the character of Bridget is never really established, and as such, you don't give a hoot about what happens to her. Should have spent more time on her and her friends building the character. The teacher gives it a C for not enough development.

Lost in Translation - I know this movie was well-done, but I yawned all the way through it. What exactly is the point? Tokyo is a place I never want to spend any time at all! Good character development and fine acting from Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson save a tedious plot. Sofia Coppola is probably a bore at cocktail parties. The teacher gives it a B for good acting, C for no thesis whatsoever.

Old School - Can you believe I watched this? It's a pathetic remake of Animal House featuring guys who desperately want to grow up and be men, but can't. The women are no better, as they seek to emasculate the men they supposedly love. The whole thing is a nightmare with two funny bits, which would have been better as a SNL skit. Vince Vaughn is the only bright spot, playing the only intelligent male in the movie. You will like this if you are pre-teen or a male of any age. The teacher gives it a B- for being true to form.

Where was I? How come I was not alerted?! Why is it, when there is mass gathering of debauchery prone people dressed as Santas, I am left completely unaware?!!
This must stop! This must end! This time I will be prepared for SANTARCHY!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year! You get no new movies. At least none worth your hard earned $10.

What's being released:
1) White Noise
2) Solitude

What you should actually go see:
1) Kinsey
2) Hotel Rawanda
3) In Good Company (I'm a sucker for these kinds of stories)

It is the last day (okay evening, I got off to a late start) of 2004, and we all know what that means - the studios are pushing our their last attempts at Oscar nominations. Movies with good buzz, but executives were unsure if it was Oscar worthy buzz.
So now you can push these out in hopes of generating some late breaking Oscar quality talk, without looking like a schmuck if it doesn't work out and you get completely ignored in the nomination process.
In my eyes, you'll still look like a schmuck.

1) In Good Company
2) The Merchant of Venice
3) A Love Song for Bobby Long

This Hanukkah weekend we have been gifted with two movies. Two. I may be a little rusty on my Judaism here, but I'm pretty sure we're entitled to EIGHT days of presents. Two is for the goyem. Eight is whole reason Hanukkah kicks Santa's ass. Don't cheapen it.
And they say Jews run Hollywood.

1) Ocean's 12
2) Blade Trinity
3) Closer (released last week, but I'm trying to catch up)

Apparently the studios did not recieve my manifesto entitled, "No Christmas Before Thanksgiving," because this week my faithful, we have not one, but TWO movies all about Santa Claus' love and the power of commerce. I could just retch.

1) Kinsey
2) Finding Neverland
3) Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

There's only one movie I'm going to recommend this week. Can you believe I'm too pissed off to write a bunch of snide remarks about lackluster movies?

Get over your stuffy adult self, and go see The Incredibles. Your inner child will thank you.

After the catastrophe, which was last week's releases, I am finally starting to see some movies I can really get behind.
Except for the Christmas movie. I am over a month away from being ready for a Christmas Movie.

1) Sideways
2) Undertow
3) The Machinist

A lot of movies in limited release this weekend. It's no hemorrhage, but it does seem that the artery of good movies has been pierced in several places.

1) PS
2) Eulogy
3) Being Julia

Stupid Laughs (and small hope that another Stone/Parker movie will get an Oscar nomination for best song): Team America: World Police

Just when thought Paul Thomas Anderson, Spike Jones, Charlie Kauffman cornered the market on deranged comedy, David O. Russell throws his hat in the ring. One day, I'm sure, this will get completely played out.

1) I Heart Huckabees
2) Dig!
3) Woman Thou Art Loosed
(Shark Tale finishing a close fourth)

Since I never want to date again after reading Lucky's post, I'll be going to the movies this weekend and replacing the sensation of an orgasm with chocolate. Do you think I can talk the clerk into replacing the popcorn in an extra large tub with M&Ms?

1) Shaun of the Dead
2) The Motorcycle Diaries
3) The Forgotten

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? No kids, we're still not at Oscar season. This week's releases make that fact painfully obvious.
Damn you studio system! Damn you to hell!!!

1) Criminal
2) Paper Clips
3) Screw it. Stay home and jerk off.

Okay, so I missed a week (maybe two I've lost track)(What am I? A machine!? Go pick on someone who doesn't have a life. Oh wait. That's me.). That's no excuse for the studios to release a week of pure trash. I did not deserve this.
In retaliation, I will recommend previous weeks releases that would have made my top three list had I been slightly less lazy. Procrastination and I are familiar friends.

1) Hero
2) Vanity Fair
3) Suspect Zero

Happy Birthday Tink and Barflies alum, Yvonne C.. In honor of your birthday, Hollywood has released a f@#*ed up coming age film, a couple seemingly worthwhile foreign films, a prequel to the Exorcist, and a whole lot of crap. Luckily, Sunset Junction is this weekend, so who needs a good movie when you have X?

1) Mean Creek
2) Nicotina
3) The Women of Rosenstrasse

This is going to be a tough week for me. It's not Oscar season yet, so there aren't more good movies than are spaces in my top 3, but this is a very close top 3.

1) She Hate Me
2) Garden State
3) The Village

Sperm donors, disaffected youths, and monsters! Oh my!

File under "What the....?????":

Fates Finery is offering "Girls Bazaar" a line of "Authentic Sleeves".

Hmmph! Not quite sure if I should laugh and laugh and laugh or pass the link on to Mel Vicious as fodder for one of her rants...

I don't understand the back tattoo. You can't see it, but everyone else can. I guess that's why there are so many ugly back tattoos - you don't have to look at it every day and think "damn! that's an ugly tattoo! What was I thinkin'?" If I had designed the Ramones logo (this is the designer), I'd get it on the front of my chest, backwards, so that every time I looked in the mirror, I could see it. Screw everybody else.

Check out Miss Kitty's Fotolog for more great pics.

Nothing like sex and drugs to get me clamoring for a movie. Too bad there's no rock and roll. I always crave rock and roll after a hearty serving of sex and drugs.

1) Maria Full of Grace
2) Door in the Floor
3) Seducing Dr. Lewis

Will the miracles never cease? Once again a documentary has made it into my top 3, this time it's a long hard look at what's really running this country - corporations. As a yuppie, I have a slight twinge of fear as to the light this film will cast my people in. But, as a citizen who went through years of unemployment and is still feeling the aftershocks of the Enron scandal among others, I can't wait to see a documentary really stick it to corporate America.

1) Anchorman
2) The Corporation
3) I'd rather recommend the home video of my bat mitzva than whatever else is being released this weekend

Happy 4th of July everyone! Some people know July 4th as the weekend of our nation's independence from Brittan. Studio executives understand that it is the weekend that will either make or break their biggest feature of the year. Vote with your heart and not with the masses.

1) The Clearing
2) De-Lovely
3) Spiderman 2

Found Magazine is a periodical dedicated to publishing notes and pictures that some people throw away and other people find. It's a great time suck for when you're bored at work because the web site seems fairly innocuous (i.e., it isn't porn or job postings).
I don't know about you, but after reading a few masterful bits of prose, like the one shown above (found on a street in Queens), I'm starting to see litter in a whole new light.

Now I am left to ponder the mystery of why this little cyber slut has a stick and what is the significance?

If you are like my mother and have come to the preposterous conclusion that Bush can do no wrong and Michael Moore is just a big troublemaker, then Moore's latest documentary will be lost on you. My only prayer is that you are in the vast minority.

1) Fahrenheit 9/11
2) Facing Windows
3) The Notebook

I'm back and ready for action. Sorry for my lack of postings for the past month, but I've been away, my computer was sick, and my dog ate my homework. You know how it goes.
But, in that time I've seen a lot of movies:
Super Size Me - Clowns are scary. Ronald McDonald is a clown. Ronald is the representative of McDonalds restaurants. Therefore, McDonalds is an instrument of Satan!
Besides that, it's a fantastic and funny look into why we're the fattest nation in the world.
Troy - Great battle scenes, but melodramatics are enough to make you hurl.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - The audience is almost as entertaining as the movie. Freaks will flock, but at least they know how to shut up during the film.

Top Three for the Week:
1) Napoleon Dynamite
2) Stepford Wives
3) Chronicles of Riddick

The highlight of my 2004 Viva Las Vegas experience had to be Charles Phoenix's Slide Show. This historian and entertainer has the power to make young men in 50 year old gabardine and ladies in perfectly aligned, back seamed stockings sit on a dance floor in kindergarden "indian-style" poses.

Mr. Phoenix took us on an amusing ride through the glory days of Las Vegas, Nevada, as well as portions of So Cal (yay Ontario!!). His commentary on strangers' images of typical holiday topics such as hotel signs, family members, camel toes, and swinger parties kept us all in a trance so over-powering we didn't even realize we had no more cocktails in our hands. We were captivated.

As promised by Charles Phoenix, if I joined his mailing list, I received my "Slide of the Week" on Friday. Kudos to you Mr. Phoenix for not giving up when fart curators said no one would ever pay money to see a slide show of other people's vacations. I will hand you my $25.00 anytime.

The pickings are slim this week, I had to reach into my archives for material. Well, last week's archives.

1) Man on Fire
2) 13 Going on 30
3) Kill Bill, Vol. 2 (came out last week, but I ran out of movies to recommend)

Tax day came and went, and for our pains we are about to be rewarded. Tarantino has brought us the conclusion to his epic of carnage, and I for one am thrilled!

1) Kill Bill, Vol. 2
2) Young Adam
3) Connie and Carla

Remember when comedies were good? The days when you could go to funny movie because you didn't feel like watching something heavy and not waste your money on inconsequential drivel. It's known as the "Good Old Days" and I miss them.

1) I'm Not Scared
2) The Alamo

You not going to believe this, but Hellboy is getting excellent reviews and if I had done my recommendations last week, it would have been my top $10 candidate.

Ever wonder how a single person with tattoos wants to meet other singles with tattoos? Wonder no longer...

I hope you're not busy this weekend, because you're going to the movies! Good (and bad) movies abound and we must participate in true American fashion with a display of fiscal democracy. Atlas shrugged and Ayn Rand shed a tear of pride.

1) Mayor of the Sunset Strip
2) Dogville
3) The Ladykillers

What's this? Only one bad movie? I think it's a record for quality in cinema. Enjoy it while it lasts and stop seeing that Jesus movie. Give mere mortals a chance.

1) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2) Taking Lives
3) Intermission

This week is a tough one. We finally have some good movies being released and I wasn't sure how to rank the top three. I guess it depends on what you're in the mood for. So in my best Moviefone voice, I give you my picks:

For a supernatural thriller, press:
1) Secret Window
For an action thriller, press:
2) Spartan
For a dark romantic comedy, press:
3) Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself

Three. That's all we get. Three. At least it's a good three. I would be having a fit if it was a bad three.
It's not a great weekend for movies, but it could have been a whole lot worse.

1) The Reckoning
2) Starsky and Hutch
3) Hidalgo

Will you shut up about Jesus already! I've had enough. I don't want to listen to another word about anti-Semitism, anti-Romanism, or sadomasochism. If I hear one more whine about how Mel Gibson portrayed some group unfairly, I'll nail myself to a cross.
It's a movie people. Not a weapon of mass destruction.

1) Good Bye, Lenin!
2) The Passion of the Christ
3) Broken Lizard's Club Dread

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I survived the day of singleton hell, only to be met with a dearth of good movies. I looked and I looked and they are nowhere to be seen. My only hope is a lone Norwegian candidate.
Salad days these are not. Take an enormous risk with your $10 or go rent a movie. It's what capitalists refer to as "voting with dollars."

1) Kitchen Stories

Not only is it supposed to be the unluckiest day of the year, but it's also the day before Valentines Day (a particularly unlucky day for me). Since I will be left unromanced by the opposite sex this weekend, I can at least ensure that the happy couples of the world don't pick bad movies.
If there's anything worse than spending a Hallmark holiday alone, it's spending it with someone and being miserable.

1) Monsieur Ibrahim
2) The Code
3) 50 First Dates (a grudging third)

A surprising amount of movies are being released this week. I haven't seen this kind of an outpouring since Thanksgiving. The only thing is, I'm not sure what to make of these. Most of them are foreign films, I'm lucky if I've seen the trailers, and I've heard very little buzz about any of these.
Ever feel as though the pilot is blind? It's usually not a good sign.

1) City of God
2) The Dreamers
3) The Return

Farewell my readers! While you're singing along with the boys of Punk Rock Karaoke on Saturday, I'll be pursuing journalistic integrity in the reviewing of movies at the 19th Annual Santa Barbara International Film Festival. Writing for free has finally paid off in the form of a media pass (when you don't have much, every little bit counts).

1) Girl With a Pearl Earring (wide release)
2) The Big Bounce
3) I can't decide between an independent gay film, or a French action film. You're on your own.

Shag fans and all retroswankiphiles take note: the cat in pink is back to celebrate his 40th anniversary, more dashing and deliciously debonair than ever.

>Meeeeow!<

I think stupidity is the theme for this week. Stupid teenagers, stupid accents, stupid criminals, stupid mountain climbers, and so on. You get the idea. It's not necessarily a bad thing, its just a commonality.

My Top Three:
1) Mystic River
2) Dirt
3) Touching the Void

Well, if Miss Falling can be artsy fartsy, so can I :-P

Actually, I am not artistic in the least - the last "serious work of art" I did was in 1986 or so - a charcoal portrait of John Taylor of Duran Duran around the "Rio" period, heh heh; today I mostly get my jollies disecting others' works. However.... as I have nothing of note to contribute at this time, here's a recent photo:

It's official. It's over. No more good movies. We have used up the resources of the oasis and now must brave the desert. So sad. So very sad.

1) The Cooler
2) Along Came Polly
3) Tokyo Godfathers

Happy New Year my readers! Did you all make resolutions? I only made one:
To strive for greater things and to stop settling for less than what I deserve.
Then I saw what was being released this week and realized just how difficult keeping my resolution would be. Bleak. Yes my children "bleak" is the only word I can use to describe our options this week. So here's my top three:

1) 21 Grams
2) Monster
3) Big Fish

If you think they sound familiar, itís because all the new movies suck.

Don't laugh. I know, I see about one film a year. For my one movie of 2003, I will see "The Return of the King" sometime in Jan. 2004 when my brother gets back from vacation. My lack of movie viewing is my great pop cultural shame.

For this reason, I refer to Lauren's film reviews, found on this blog and on the Barflies.net magazine, and to Salon.com's reviews. Today, Salon.com recommends:

The 10 best movies of 2003

From the eccentric, intimate "Lost in Translation" to the epic nobility of "Return of the King" to the rough-hewn affirmation of "In America," Salon critics Stephanie Zacharek, Charles Taylor and Andrew O'Hehir list 2003's best films.

"Lost in Translation"
"In America"
"A Mighty Wind"
"Spellbound"
"American Splendor"
"Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King"
"Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World"
"To Be and to Have"
"School of Rock"
"Masked and Anonymous"

Do you agree or disagree with their list? What about "Migrations?"

Sorry for the delay. The holidays ran away with my Thursday and I'm just now catching up. But don't worry, I paid for my tardiness in spades by seeing the worst movie of the year - Paycheck. Don't ask me how I wound up there, but let's just say that my friend's movie picking privileges have been revoked. Possibly for good.

1) Cold Mountain
2) Monster
3) Big Fish

Runner Up: Japanese Story
Made me want to puke: Paycheck

Here it is D&D players! The climax you've been waiting three years to have has finally arrived! Next time just hire a hooker and get it over with. It will cost you a little more than $10, but does take a lot less time out of your day. Just think of how productive you could be. It boggles the mind.

Best $10 Candidates
1) Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
2) Mona Lisa Smile
3) House of Sand and Fog

Hear any good pedophile jokes lately? Well, if they're not about Michael Jackson then they must be about the Catholic priesthood. (Don't worry; we Jews have the market cornered on guilt and mothers) On that note, let's get into this week's film recommendations- the Papacy, art, and love slightly past its prime.

1) The Statement
2) Girl with the Pearl Earring
3) Something's Got to Give

Are you sure its Oscar season? Are you certain the holidays are almost upon us? I have my doubts. The reason for these doubts, you may ask, there are only four movies being released this week. This makes my job a whole lot easier, but it gives me a heavy heart in the process.
Where are you, good-movies? I know you're out there, but where?
(If you are a studio publicist or independent filmmaker with a film about to come out which is getting no press, e-mail me and I'll see what I can do.)
(If you are a studio publicist or independent filmmaker with a movie that you would actually like me to SEE before I review it, e-mail me and I'll see what I can do.)

$10 Candidates:
1) Last Samurai
2) The Two Towers
3) What Alice Found

Happy Thanksgiving my readers! Itís time to stuff yourself silly with turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and yams while desperately trying to avoid the people you would never hang out with if it wasn't for the fact you call them "family."
For me, alcohol keeps the situation bearable. Hey, itís free and it keeps a goofy grin plastered across my face.
There is an alternative - movies. I used to work at a theater and know for a fact they are open come rain, shine, and all national and religious holidays. So go see a movie and avoid the relatives for a couple hours. Itís like a vacation within a vacation.
The Top Three Candidates for My $10:

1) In America
2) The Missing
3) My Flesh and Blood

I took my own advice last week and saw Master and Commander. It was awesome. I love it when I'm right.
Now for this week's picks. This week we have the white man's assisted attempt at a slam-dunk (please see extended version for explanation), Cat in the Hat. Not recommended for anyone older than 5 years or with an IQ above 60. For those of us who are not Neanderthal preschool students, my recommendations are as follows:
1) 21 Grams
2) Barbarian Invasions
3) Shattered Glass (wider release)

THIS IS AN INVASION! Well, sort of. This is the APRILFALLING invasion, soon to be a regular around these Barflies parts.. Be on the lookout for images/art/band.photography/collages/etc*infinity - anything and everything visually interesting and appealing..

here's a piece i thought i'd share for starters:

Also, if you have an idea/phrase/song.lyric/expression/image/etc. you want to use to try and influence my post, email me: aprilfalling@kuci.org . Are you up for the challenge?

<3 AXF

p.s. current music: Tears For Fears - "Mad World"

Someone needs to beat the studio execs into submission until they fully and unquestioningly understand the notion that part of what makes democracy such a riot is freedom of choice. How can we exercise this right without VARIETY? Itís like a MilkyWay without the caramel. All you have is a Three Musketeers, which is a completely different animal.
This week there is only one obvious choice for my $10, and it stars my favorite Spanish slave with an Australian accent. The good lord had a hand in creating him.

1) Master and Commander
2) The Big Empty
3) Tupac: Resurrection

Looking for a Christmas present for the 50 Cent fan in your life?

Pimp Cups may be the answer to all of your holiday gift giving dilemmas.

Thanks Davezilla for the link to this one...

This week is a mixed bag at best. On one side we have our obvious Oscar contenders (The Human Stain, Shattered Glass), on the other side we have the boring run of the mill, love your fellow man (or beast), Disney craptoon (Brother Bear), then we have the third dimension of the purely bizarre (Die Mommy Die, Dirt), and THEN we have the stroke-the-director's-ego re-release of a classic sci-fi horror epic (Alien).
My picks for the week are as follows:
1) The Human Stain
2) Shattered Glass
3) Die Mommy Die
And, if all else fails -- Alien (it is Halloween isn't it?)

Movies coming out this week that are either:
a) Worth paying $10 to see in a theater, or
b) Worth illegally downloading off the net (I have no idea how, but I hear it can be done).
In order of preference:
1) Elephant
2) The Singing Detective
3) Kill Bill(its still out and its still amazing)