What a deal! Along with my free admission ticket (thank you DJ Wanda), there was a coupon for a free barbecued pork rib sandwich. I was pleasantly surprised - it was a very good sandwich.

There were two stages of Elvis going on. On the main "Tribute Artist" stage were the "professional Elvis's" and on the second "Karaoke" stage were the amateur contestants for the "Crème de la King" competition.

Kirk Wall was obviously the star attraction on the Tribute Artist Stage. He worked the whole crowd from the stage to the snack bar and added his own unique stage patter and audience interaction. On one of his frequent jaunts into the audience, he closed in on a woman eating an ice cream cone. When she held it up to offer him some, he said something like, " I don't want your ice cream, baby, I just wanna lick your forehead."
That's a good line, I may steal it. In the future, I foresee Kirk Wall impersonators.

The garage sale was not my destination. I was out doing chores and it was on the way. I can even explain why I went twice. One of the chores was to get my glasses fixed. On my first visit, I saw a five-foot tower loaded with CD's but, without my specs, I couldn't really see what they were.
Why be in denial about something when it's easier to be in denial about several things concurrently?
When I came back wearing my third and fourth eyes, I saw the worst bunch of CD's I've seen in dog years. They had been in the garage for a long time and were covered with enough dust to choke a pack mule. On closer inspection, I noticed that most of the cases were empty and those that did contain discs had the wrong disc - for example a Jane's Addiction CD case with a Doors booklet and an unlabeled blank CD-R inside. It was such a train-wreck that I had to ask about the price.
They wanted fifty cents each or five bucks for the whole shebang, including the tower shelf thing. Sold.
I did spot a couple discs that looked salvageable but the selling point was a Phil Shane CD. I'd pay five bucks for the Elvis of OC.

Back at home, armed with an old t-shirt and a spray bottle of Windex, I took inventory of my haul. Here's what I got in no particular order:

Playable CD's with cases:

John Cougar Mellencamp - Uh Huh. Little Johnny Cougar's finest hour. "Pink Houses", "Authority Song", and others make it a fun listen. I could unload this for a buck if I wanted to.

Suicidal Tendencies - s/t. I think this album not only killed punk, but started speed metal. Both events were bound to happen anyway so I don't really blame them. I like "Institutionalized" but since all the other songs sound just like it, there's no point in listening to the whole thing.

U2 - Rattle and Hum. Have you ever tried to watch this movie? What a stinker! This album was a huge hit twenty years ago even though no one really liked it. Most people just bought it because they thought it was "important" and didn't want to be considered unhip. It was such an overwrought, pretentious turd that U2 has now disowned the whole thing and wants the world to forget it ever happened.
In my mind, that deems it worthy of another listen. It's pretty dull, but not horrible.

Phil Shane - A Fling Thing. What can I say about the Elvis of Orange County? How about that he's also the Neil Diamond of Orange County? This is a keeper.

The Doors s/t. A guilty pleasure. I know that the Doors are over-rated, over-hyped, and over-exposed but I like this album. I like the "lounge singer from Hell" concept combined with the cheesy organ. If you look past all the gothy and gloomy froth on the surface, this stuff is pretty funny.

Enigma+ - MCMXC a.D. I don't get it.

The Beatles - Past Masters Vol II. A great compilation of singles, b-sides, and oddball stuff. My favorite is "You Know My Name (Look Up The Number)." I know you don't care, but I told you anyway.

Incomplete Multiple CD sets:

Bob Dylan - Biograph. Here's disc one of a three-disc box set. The first disc of any box set is always the best anyway, so I'm happy.

The Doors - In Concert. Disc one of a two-disc set. It might be fun to have the second disc of this but I think disc two has an hour-long version of "Light My Fire," so I'm probably better off without it. Fortunately, this is also missing the booklet that probably contains those horrible Danny Sugarman liner notes that plague every Doors re-issue CD.

Billy Joel - Greatest Hits. Disc two of a two-disc set. Judging by the songs listed on the cover, I'd much rather listen to disc two than disc one.
This is comparable to saying that I'd rather have my left arm broken than my right arm.

CD's without cases or covers

Various Artists - Modern Rock 1980-81. A very good Time-Life compilation with "Cars" by Gary Numan, "Rock Lobster" by the B-52's, and other snappy new wave hits. It's a virtual Flock of Googoo set list. It also contains non-hit favorites by The Ramones, Elvis Costello and Dave Edmunds. Printed on the label of the disc is the image of a Mohawk-coifed punker, which is exactly what comes to mind while listening to songs like "Tempted" by Squeeze.

Various Artists - Modern Rock 1985-86. These years were not as interesting as 1980-81. That Morrissey, what a jokester.

Harry Connick Jr. - When Harry Met Sally. Whatever happened to this guy? I'm afraid to listen to this because I might like it.

The Indigents - untitled. This seems to be demo burned on home-made CD-R. It is competently played and recorded, formulaic, by-the-numbers, snotty, teenage punk rock right down to the fake English accents. As far as I can tell, the first two songs are titled "Fuck You" and "So What." A promising start, but it's too easy to predict exactly where the songs are going to go next. Don't pick this one, it's not ripe yet.

The Eagles - Greatest Hits Volume Two. See "Billy Joel's Greatest Hits".

Moby - Play. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream. My CD player couldn't read this disc. I just got an error message that said "suck."

Portishead - s/t. I tried to play this one but I couldn't tell if the CD player was skipping or not.

Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill. No. Not a chance. Absolutely not.

I'll stop here. There were a few more but they just get worse.
There were also about 10-12 empty cases that just went straight into the trash. Among them were Dave Matthews, Ice Cube, and Janet Jackson but I would have nothing nice to say about them.

I saw this sign on Chapman Avenue in Fullerton.

The sign might as well have had my name written on it. After seeing it there for a couple of weeks, I had to stop and check it out. Being a supporter of Do It Yourself economics and underground ascetics, as well as a compulsive music consumer, I simply had no choice.
I followed the signs through the maze of alleys, rang the buzzer, and entered the portal to another dimension. No secret knock or password required.

The proprietor was a woman somewhere in the vicinity of my demographic group that, despite the circumstances, emitted absolutely no record geek or serial killer vibes. The garage was clean, well lit, and the records were well organized. Not only were they catalogued by genre, but alphabetized and alphabetized correctly. In order to peruse the goods, I didn't have to brush away any cobwebs or chickens.

Most of the records were cased in protective plastic sleeves and all were clearly marked with the price. It was suspiciously too well organized. I asked if the records were old store-stock or if she sold at swap meets or record shows. No. She insisted that this was her personal collection. I wasn't quite convinced but that didn't matter. I mentioned that I occasionally sold at the OC Record Show in Buena Park. Her ears perked up at that, but perked back down when I said I wasn't interested in buying her entire inventory.

I got the impression that the garage full of records were acquired as part of a divorce settlement, an inheritance, or maybe a roommate had moved out owing her a lot of money. It was her personal collection, all right, with "personal" being the operative word. I didn't want to pry or make any further assumptions. I will not interrogate anyone in the name of Internet journalism. I just continued to browse in happy, non-threatening silence and tried not to emit any serial killer vibes.

As much as I wanted to find something spectacular, it just wasn't there. There were some interesting records but nothing really notable. There were a few semi-collectable items at inflated prices - someone had taken the numbers in a price guide seriously but ignored the concept of grading (and pricing) by condition. Most of the stuff I saw was mainstream/ progressive/classic rock of the Journey/Rush variety. How much would you pay for a beat up copy of "2112?" Not this much.

Blood, Sweat & Tears, Chicago, Steely Dan - not my cup of joe.

There were some Beatles and Stones items, but they were too beat up and overpriced. My expertise does not extend as much to the Jazz and R&B sections, but it seemed to be the same story.

I had to buy something, of course. I walked away with a couple of novelty records for a couple/few bucks each. "Madcap Musical Nonsense" by the Three Stooges, which is thrashed almost beyond recognition but, hey, it's the Three Stooges so it should be. The other record is The Bearcuts "Swing Beatlemania," one of those Beatle rip-off records from 1964 or 1965. It's not quite as good as "Beatle Beat" by The Buggs, but it might be better than a couple John Lennon solo albums I have.

Postscript:
The last time I drove through those parts, I didn't see the sign. I'd like to think that the venture was a huge success and the proprietor retired comfortably. However, the conspiracy theorist in me says that it was shut down by "The Man."
If records are outlawed, only outlaws will have records.

In 1955, Freddie Bell and the Bellboys recorded a song called "Hound Dog." While performing in Las Vegas that year, a young up-and-coming singer named Elvis Presley caught their act, liked the song, and decided he would record the song too.
Presley's record was a hit and he became a huge star. Bell's record was not a hit and he continued playing casino lounges.
Sometime around 1990, I witnessed Freddie Bell's act in a casino lounge in Reno. He did some of the expected lounge standards and told raunchy, stale jokes like this one:
"While the astronauts were up in space drinking Tang, I was down in New Orleans getting some poon!" While half the audience groaned and the other half struggled to do the math, he punctuated his point with "Poon!" (rimshot) "Tang!" (rimshot).
He preceded his version of "Just A Gigolo/Ain't Got Noboby" with an angry diatribe against David Lee Roth, who he accused of stealing "his" song.

Freddie Bell died on February 11, 2008. He may have been the last of the old-school Vegas lounge singers. He was certainly the last of something.

Favorite Albums –
The only things I can come up with off the top of my head – other than this cheap toupee – are “At My Age” by Nick Lowe and “The Last Post” by Carbon/Silicon. Nick Lowe is not doing his “brooding serious artiste” thing this time and is back to being funny. For those in need of an introduction, Carbon/Silicon is the current project of old punk rock heroes Mick Jones and Tony James. It may not be as good as The Clash or Generation X, but it sure beats the snot out of Big Audio Dynamite and Sigue Sigue Sputnik. What do these acts have in common? All of them – Nick Lowe and the two principals of Carbon/Silicon – are either gray-haired, bald, or both. I find that safe and non-threatening.
They’re also English. I find English people safe and non-threatening.

Favorite Example of Music Journalism.
A review of a Van Halen show in the OC Register used the following phrases:
1. Feverishly tapped arpeggios
2. Six-string wizardry
3. Largely unparalleled expertise
4. Stormy sonic squalls
5. Complex fretwork
6. Tearing up so many monster riffs

A Memorable Live Show – The Germs at the Key Club, Hollywood, December 29th.
So the singer of the Germs died in 1980, someone makes a movie about him in 2007, the band reunites and hires the actor who plays him in the movie to be their new singer. Some people consider this sacrilege. I like it. I think it’s a good idea. Some people, like Jello Biafra, have said that it’s un-punk and that the Germs should not be doing what their doing. That should be all the justification they need to keep doing it.
At the Key Club (formerly Gazzari’s), the Germs started on time and played for over an hour. That never happened with the original band. Singer Shane West, who also acts in one of those TV hospital shows I’ve never seen, is quite comfortable on stage and has become quite effective in dealing with hecklers. Darby Crash was probably never comfortable on stage. Is it really the Germs? Who cares? It’s as close as most people are ever going to get. It's not a tribute or a re-enactment, it’s just a show and it’s a darned good one. The Germs had some great songs and the songs should be performed live.
If some people don’t like it, that’s their problem.

The Ventures Are Finally Getting Inducted into The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
I realize that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is impossible to take seriously, but it’s still nice to see the Ventures get some recognition for being one of the greatest bands ever. In my book, they’re up there with The Beatles and The Ramones and should have been voted in during their first year of eligibility, which I believe was 1826. Their genius was eliminating all the unnecessary clutter in songs – like the words – and stripping it down to just guitars and drums. This is as unexpected and as life-affirming as Rodney Bingenheimer getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Congratulations.

Now if those Rock and Roll Hall of Fame snobs really want to retroactively buy some credibility, they should invite KISS to their little clubhouse. KISS proudly represent everything that is loud, tacky and tasteless about rock and roll. The Hall of Fame committee, or whatever they are, seem to have forgotten that rock and roll is supposed to be loud, tacky, and tasteless. Madonna is getting voted in this year and she is basically just KISS with breasts.
I suspect that what is really preventing KISS from entering those hallowed and pretentious halls is the large fire-breathing, blood-spewing, and opinionated mouth of Gene Simmons. He has let it be known that he wants nothing to do with this Hall of Fame nonsense. However, Ozzy Osbourne and Johnny Rotten also said the same thing but that didn’t stop the Hall from inducting their bands against their wills. Why not KISS? It can’t be based on popularity because KISS was bigger than Black Sabbath and the Sex Pistols combined, with Little Johnny Cougar and Jefferson Airplane thrown in for good measure.
Ozzy was easy enough keep in line with sedatives and all Johnny did was send a nasty letter and boycott the ceremony, but Demon Gene wouldn’t let them off so easy. They know that he would not only show up, but show up sober and articulate, eat everything at the buffet table, and talk until the room was empty.
That will be something to hope for in 2008. Or maybe 2009.

Predictions for 2008
Since I recently obtained box of records that contained nineteen KISS albums, I predict that I will write something about them (that last bit was just a teaser). Since there were also a couple of Donny Osmond records in the box, I predict that I will give them to Cindy Lu at the next meeting of the great barflies.net minds.

Fashion Trend for 2008 – Pantaloons. Laugh if you want, but I was right about eye patches a few years ago.

It's that time of year again. We all have our own traditions to celebrate the birth of Santa Claus. One of my traditions is to re-run my stale old Favorite Christmas Records column. You're welcome. As a very special treat this year, I will throw a few more presents under the tree.

Like this one:

"The elves are dressed in leather
And the angels are in chains
The sugar plums are rancid
And the stockings are in flames"

Sorry, that's as good as it gets. This 7" single from 1984 doesn't quite capture the magic of the movie, but nothing does.

On a more traditional note, we have Der Bingle. This is quite a nice little artifact, even though some lunkhead wrote "AUlD LANG SYNE" on Bing Crosby's furry hatband. It doesn't bother me so much when people write on record sleeves, but what really irks me is when people write in ALL CAPS - except for the the letter "L." For example, the phrase "ALL CAPS" would look like "All CAPS" and the word "AULD" looks like "AUlD." Didn't you pay attention in First Grade when they taught all that stuff about upper and lower case letters? I see you used a capital L in "LANG" so you know what one looks like, don't you? If you're going to be wrong, at least be consistent.
Christmas with the devil indeed.
Anyway, back to Bing Crosby. This record was probably given away in the 50's to demonstrate the new GE "Trimline" stereo record players which are advertised so stylishly on the back. I like that one side is in mono and the other is in stereo.

Here a nice 45 from 1982. The Dave Edmunds version of "Run Rudolph Run" is fairly faithful to the Chuck Berry original. It's almost as good as the Keith Richards version, but I don't have that.

The Kinks "Father Christmas"
This is a nice heart-warming story of Santa's English counterpart getting mobbed by a bunch of kids demanding money and saying "we'll beat you up if you don't hand it over." If Bing Crosby wanted to really endear himself to the rock and roll generation, he should have covered this song instead of doing that "Little Drummer Boy" duet with David Bowie.

The Dickies "Silent Night"
I thought I had this one, but I can't find it. It's still comforting to know it exists somewhere.

In the Long Playing (LP) record category, we have:
"An Austin Rhythm and Blues Christmas" from 1986. It's a nice compilation with the Fabulous Thunderbirds, Lou Ann Barton, Charles Sexton, and other known notables. It's pretty good and worth looking for.

Remember CD's? They were all the rage in the 90's.
Here's an interesting relic from 1991 - "The White Christmas Album" compilation from Doctor Dream Records, the now-defunct label based in Orange, CA.
It kicks off in fine form with "Little Drummer Boy" as performed by Joyride. I think that this recording captures their live sound better than their albums did. Another highlight here is The Cadillac Tramps version of "Santa Claus is Back in Town." Other than those two songs, nothing really jumps out.

Booker T. & The MG's "In the Christmas Spirit"
This one gets almost as many spins as "The Ventures Christmas Album." Nice late-night Christmas Eve listening.

Ringo Starr "I Wanna Be Santa Claus"
He's got my vote. Stellar versions of "Winter Wonderland" and "Blue Christmas." Does he sing "Little Drummer Boy?" Yes he does.
Ringo is no Der Bingle, but then again, Bingo is no Der Ringle.

The older I get, the more surreal things become. I like it.
Twenty-five (?!) years ago, I saw the English Beat (a.k.a. The Beat) open for The Clash at the Hollywood Palladium. It never occurred to me that a quarter century later I would be seeing the same band (sort of) at a free, family oriented pep rally for a professional sports team.
For those of you who don’t know or don’t care, The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim didn’t make it past the American League Division Series this year, but they sure put together a nice little show to mark the end of the regular season. It was called "Rally Monday, " but I think "Rally Monkey Monday" sounds better.
The English Beat (a.k.a. Dave Wakeling and bunch of other guys) began the festivities promptly at 6:30 with “Tears of a Clown.” They could hardly be heard over the sound of 20,000 inflatable noisemaker doo-dads that were given out to the crowd. Those thunder-sticks, bam-bams, or whatever you want to call them make a jolly good racket. They are also great, as every kid soon discovers, for thwacking people on the head without causing permanent damage. From our seats in the upper view level, the band on the stage near second base might as well have been The Beatles at Shea Stadium but no one seemed to mind. Most of the crowd, including myself and my family, was having too much fun thwacking and being thwacked with inflatable noisemaker doo-dads.

What the musical performance lacked in audibility or visibility, it more than made up for in fantastic production values. During the English Beat’s second song, a cover of The Staple Singers “I’ll Take You There,” the entire baseball field was invaded by army paratroopers. Yes, you read correctly – paratroopers. They jumped out of a plane over the stadium and landed on the field while the band played.
I believe that Van Halen attempted something similar when they played the stadium in the late 70’s, but they didn’t quite pull it off.
Audience interest seemed to wane after the paratroopers landed and packed up their chutes, but The Beat went on. They played a few more songs, including their hits “Mirror in the Bathroom” and “Save It For Later.” They left the stage to the thunderous roar of thousands of kids being thwacked on the head with inflatable noisemaker doo-dads.

Next on the bill was the UCLA Marching Band, who did their hit “Tusk” and the usual Rose Parade style marching band stuff. After that was a bunch of sports guys talking.
The show ended with the only thing that could possibly end a show like that – FIREWORKS!
When I was a kid, I believe there was a law requiring every fireworks show to be accompanied by the music of John Philip Sousa. For the sake of today’s children, I’m glad that law has been repealed. The soundtrack for tonight’s fireworks show included such stadium pleasing numbers as “We Will Rock You,” “ Rock and Roll Part II,” and, most surrealistically, The Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop.” It was beautiful.

I’m going to get all Rod Serling on you now and say that there is a place where irony and sincerity can co-exist. That place is middle age.
After the sincerity of childhood becomes the irony of youth, it mutates into the cynicism of adulthood. With middle age comes the wisdom and patience to stop and consider the next step. One can either follow the much-trodden path from the cynicism of adulthood to the bitterness of old age, or hang a quick u-turn back into irony. Irony, of course, will naturally lead you back to sincerity.
I suppose one could skip going through irony again and go directly back to sincerity, but think of all the fun you would miss.
And keep in mind that yesterday's rebellion is today's muzak.
I had a great time and especially enjoyed the fireworks show.

Photos by Julie

99 cents. What a bargain. "Who loves ya, baby?"

Photos by Julie

After the corn dogs and carnival rides, how do you conclude an evening of family fun at the County Fair? With Weird Al, of course.
Someone has to be Weird Al and it might as well be him. I could go on about the importance of satire in the whole scheme of things, but I'd rather not. What are the connections between gangsta rap and computer technology, Rage Against The Machine and frivolous lawsuits, or Bob Dylan and palindromes? There aren't any, but that's why it all makes perfect sense.
It also makes no sense that Weird Al has been doing his schtick for about 30 years and you still know who he is. The pop cultural references that he uses for fodder today will soon be met with tomorrow's blank stares. That's okay, we know that tomorrow's tabloid headlines will be even dumber than today's and Weird Al will still be necessary.
I'm sure he will soon be playing a county fair near you. If you're in the mood for livestock shows and deep-fried shoe on a stick, go check out Weird Al while you're at it.

Ready.....Aim....

FIRE!

"Darling, they're playing our song."

Last Tuesday, as I was riding my bike home from work, I noticed a KLOS booth set up in front of a Starbucks. Investigating further, I discovered it was a promotion for the release of the new Paul McCartney album on the Starbucks label. Under the big top was Chris Carter, the host of the weekly "Breakfast With The Beatles" radio show - which I plead guilty of listening to.
Since he is obviously accustomed to geeks, he wasn't at all taken aback by my bicycle helmet.
In addition to KLOS swag and free samples of various coffee drinks and pastries, there was a trivia contest. I quickly made it to the final three. The final question concerned the b-side of the first Paul McCartney solo single. One fellow contestant completely froze up, but another one got it right and won the grand prize. My answer of "Freebird" was incorrect.

This picture was lifted from the "Breakfast With The Beatles" website. It looks like it was taken right after I left.