Wanda's Reflections on Bowling 2004

By Wanda

When Vince Lombardi said, “Winning isn’t everything; it’s the only thing,” he didn’t have my Armenian grandmother telling him that it would be “nice” to let others win every once in a while, and couldn’t he just “let them win” so that we could take turns winning, because everyone was really a winner. In fact, it took me years to realize that when you let someone win, and then feel superior, in a kind of “I could have won if I wanted to” kind of way, it’s not really “nice,” it’s actually very passive and a little sick. Needless to say, I don’t have the killer instinct when it comes to sports and other competitions.

Given my lack of a “win at all costs” mentality, it’s odd that I wanted to take bowling lessons for the Punk Rock Bowling tournament. I think my impulse was more driven by the fact that I am very “team oriented” and the thought of letting my team down mortified me. But every time I went to the pro shop to try to find a teacher, the guy working there was always some portly blowhard who had plenty to say – the kind of guy who thinks it’s funny that a woman my age wants to take lessons, but hey, he’ll take my money and when do you want to meet? Needless to say, not someone you want to take lessons from.

This year, when Jen announced that I would be team captain of the Barflies.net #2 team, The Bad News Bowlers, I again thought about lessons. I started looking for a teacher, but to no avail. Then one day, waiting for a lane at the Orange Bowl, I saw Pietro deSacco, a fellow DJ at KUCI who hosts the electronic music show Digital::Nimbus. Who knew that Pietro, a lover of all things electronic and a Canadian to boot, could bowl? I quizzed him about his bowling skill and asked if he would give me some lessons.

There is a saying: When the pupil is ready, the teacher will arrive. Pietro was that teacher. Six weeks before the tournament, I had my first lesson. I learned the pin numbers, where to try to place the ball, what the dots and arrows were for, how to stand, and that bowling can be a game of angles as much as brute force. I learned what the term “beer frame” means. I learned that you really should move to the right when your ball goes to the right, and move to the left when your ball goes to the left, although this strategy still baffles me. I learned that when you are trying to hit the ten pin, you should start at the extreme left of the lane and make use of the entire lane. I learned that there is a reason for the boards and that where you stand makes a difference. I learned that there is a strategy for why they oil the lanes.¹ I learned that if you hit the pins the right way (in the pocket), they will all fall down, regardless if you are using a cheap 10-pound plastic ball. I started to bowl.

Sometimes I could see doubt in Pietro’s eyes: “The tournament is when?” I needed a heavier ball, but we realized that there was no time. The tournament was two weeks away. I kept bowling.

And my scores went from somewhere in the 130s to somewhere in the high 80s. This was demoralizing, but I knew that when I changed my stance, my approach, the way I held the ball, and the way I released the ball (basically, everything) that I might mess myself up. Many times I wanted to go back to doing things the way that I had been doing them before, but I found that the new techniques had taken hold and I couldn’t go back. I was stuck between old and new. Still, I felt confident that if I kept practicing, I would eventually get better. I started practicing more. I practiced alone, with my team, during Cosmic Bowling. Every chance I got, I bowled. With just two days before the tournament, my scores finally inched back up to the 130s. I felt empowered. At least now my average was where it was when I started, but now I had a strategy. I had ideas. I had a clue! I tucked Pietro’s directions into my bowling bag and packed for Las Vegas. I thought of all the things that Pietro had taught me – the “foundation frame,” how to hit it “on the Brooklyn side,” converting spares.²

When we got to Las Vegas, I tried to relax. I talked to my bowling ball (“you know where to go little ball”), I looked at the dots, not the pins, and I remembered everything Pietro told me. I thought about the last Pietro said: “Pray for a freakishly high score.” I prayed. I bowled.

1. Two very good sources on oiled lanes are this weird website that might be someone’s blog, Ask Dr. Science http://www.cardhouse.com/x06/x06science.htm and Alan Thompson’s almost overly thorough article on lane oil patterns http://www.geocities.com/alan_thompson/WhyWeOilBowlingLanes.pdf. These two pieces will make you sound like an expert, or at least as annoying as the pompous windbag at the pro shop.

2. Bowling has a language all its own. An excellent dictionary can be found at http://www.bowling2u.com/default.asp under Bowling Trivia, which promises: “With Bowling2u's comprehensive bowling glossary even if you don't bowl like a pro you can sound like one! After a little studying of these bowling terms and definitions you can fit right in with the best of 'em. Newbies, wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends will no longer feel excluded from bowling jargon when they know how to talk the talk.”